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"We eventually learn that emotional closure is our own action. We can be
responsible for it. In any moment, we can choose to open or to close."
David Deida
"Trust, love, what we call sexy, who we trust in a business situation, are
all based on how open we are. Openness is bodily openness, muscular
relaxation, heart openness as opposed to hiding behind some emotional
wall, and spiritual openness, which is actually feeling so fully into the
moment that there's no separation between you and the entire moment."
From "Opening Spiritually and Sexually," an audiotape by David Deida
"You
need to feel your man's trustable presence before you will open your heart
and body without guard. It's a step-by-step process of learning. He
learns to be more present, you learn to be more open."
--From "Finding God Through Sex," a book by David Deida
"One
of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and
unreactive in the midst of his woman’s emotional storms. When he stays
present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and
closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax".
David Deida
"Spiritual practice is the capacity to offer your love even when you feel
hurt, closed down, tense, angry, misunderstood, or hated."
David Deida
"True
surrender is true power: the love-force that moves the universe is
also the love-force that breathes your breath and beats your heart. When
fear dissolves, you no longer separate yourself from this single flow of
immense force. Love is continuity with infinite life-force, a oneness of
being with no separation. Opening sexually is opening to this flow of
life-force. And love is the key to this opening."
David Deida
"One misunderstanding is that if you do the right thing, then life's
storms will stop. If you do the right thing, the storms actually get
bigger. This is because they know they can't blow you down like they used
to, and now it's going to take a
lot more energy to find out if you are conscious."
-- From "At Your Edge: Spiritual and Sexual
Wisdom for Men," an audiotape by David Deida
"As a body in a world, here is our choice: we
can be more loving or less loving. That's it. We can relax as the entire
moment's show of love's swirl, feeling open as all--a vicious rainstorm,
tweeting birds, our lover's lips, a sense of worthlessness--or we can
close to some aspect of experience, pulling away as if we were separate."
-- From "Waiting To Love," a book by David Deida
"Masculine anger is always
because you are feeling constrained, trapped by life. Feminine anger is
always because you are feeling unloved."
David Deida
"Men who have lived
significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease,
or women." David Deida
"The simplicity of it is
this: give everything you have to give in every moment, completely."
David Deida
"Surrender means to love without limits. It
means to relax your guard so your lover can feel your core--authentic,
unhidden, and undefended. Your muscles relax. Your breath becomes full.
Your body and heart willingly open to your lover. If you are hurt, then
you are hurt, but in any case you practice to remain open and full, like
the ocean. Surrender is the doorway to the deepest possible sex. Each
purpose, each mission, is meant to be fully lived to the point where it
becomes empty, boring, and useless. Then it should be discarded. This is a
sign of growth, but you may mistake it for a sign of failure."
David Deida
"Before I understood how to open with you,
I tried giving you orgasms so I knew I was a good lover. But now, all I
want is your surrender. I want your heart's pleasure to ripple through
your open body and saturate my life with your love. Your body's openness
to love's flow draws me into you, and through your heart's surrender I am
opened to the love that lives as the universe. Whether you have an orgasm
or not while we make love, your body's trust and devotional openness is my
secret doorway to love's deepest bliss."
--From "Dear Lover," a book by David Deida
"How would you be breathing right now, sitting
right now, moving right now, if your body were being entered by a man of
enormous love and integrity, a man who felt so deeply into your heart that
you were forced to reveal your most subtle closure, taking you open so
exquisitely you could hardly bear to open in so much love and trust?"
From "Dear Lover," a book by David Deida
"The feminine is a miracle of surrender, a flower of force that either
opens or closes. As a woman, you can use your masculine discrimination to
decide which direction to move in, but when you are polarized into your
feminine energy--by a man of great masculine presence, for instance--then
you may lose access to your masculine directionality. In moments like
these, you may find yourself unable to say no."
--From "Finding God Through Sex," a book by David Deida
"Few men are worthy of your total trust, but if you were with a
trustable man would you be able to offer your body wide open, surrendering
open beyond the edges of the universe, offering him more of your awesome
pleasure than he has ever had the blessing to behold?"
--From "Dear Lover," a book by David Deida
"The amount of consciousness with which you can ravish your woman--the
size of your 'spiritual penis,' so to speak--is determined by how fully
you have surrendered as openness and love. Practice opening as free being,
as unbounded love, even as thoughts come and go, fears clench and pass,
and desires ebb and flow."
--From "Finding God Through Sex," a book by David Deida
"Feminine and masculine needs for appreciation grow though levels, from
self-doubt, to self-assurance, to self-giving. At the lower levels, a
relationship can be rife with neediness: you are needy for constant
reassurance that you are loved, desired, and attractive, and your
masculine partner is needy for your admiration of his success and
attainments. The middle levels of growth involve developing
self-appreciation, self-acceptance, and self-admiration. The higher levels
of growth involve surrendering open and giving your deepest gifts of love
and freedom--in spite of whether you feel appreciated by others or
yourself."
--From "Finding God Through Sex," a book by David Deida
"If the masculine partner's presence wavers, then the feminine partner
loses trust, guards herself emotionally, and can't enjoy the bliss of
opening her body and heart fully as the flow of feminine love. If the
feminine partner's radiance diminishes--so that body and heart close,
ripples of pleasure decrease, and emotional expression becomes muted--then
the masculine partner is stuck in the realm of head and tail, bereft of
full-bodied, heart-given sensual energy, unattracted beyond his own
self-controlled detachment or selfish stimulation."
--From "The Way of the Superior Lover," a book by David Deida
"If you are with a man you don't trust, it is only because you prefer
unsurrendered love to surrendering wide open in total trust. It feels
safe. You are afraid to let go of control--part of you doesn't trust
love's command--so you have chosen a man who doesn't demand your surrender
with his depth of integrity. If you did trust the command of love, you
would only settle for a deep man capable of opening you more deeply than
you could instruct him."
--From "Dear Lover," a book by David Deida
"Have you ever leaned into a man's loving guidance? Have you
relinquished control and allowed your sweetly surrendered heart to flow
open like the ocean, wild and deep, rather than holding the narrow
direction of a functional canal?"
--From "Dear Lover," a book by David Deida
"If we hold back our energy to avoid feeling our sexual kinks, then we
also hold back our deepest gifts. Without being shy, we can allow all our
gifts to grow and all our sexual desires to come to the surface. Then,
with compassion, humor, and understanding, we can undo the inappropriate
forces of habit-energy that may have been shaped by a history beyond our
control."
--From "Finding God Through Sex," a book by David Deida
"No matter how dearly you try to control, your life unfolds as a
mystery. Why do you love whom you love, and how long will it last? Do you
know exactly what you are going to say before you say it? Why are you
thinking your specific thoughts right now, and what will be your very next
action? The weather is easier to predict than what you will be thinking,
feeling, and doing next week--or even in ten seconds."
--From "Naked Buddhism," a book by David Deida
"Sexually and in everyday life, when your lover can feel your energy
and skillfully guide you to deeper and more passionate flow, your body
relaxes. You can trust him, and surrender to the depth of his loving
command. When he seems unable to feel you, then you naturally withdraw
your trust, take control, and do your best to lead yourself."
--From "Dear Lover," a book by David Deida
"Not grounded in the recognition of deep openness, she hides her
devotion, and he mistrusts his claim. She refuses to feel the hurt of not
being possessed by his love fully. He refuses to feel the hurt of her
hide-and-seek chaos ruining what he has achieved through knowledge. Her
emotions hint toward upcoming betrayal. His need to know and control seems
trivial and rigid, unworthy of devotional trust. Fear underlies her
showing and his knowing."
--From "Waiting To Love," a book by David Deida
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